fallout

The joy of watching my dad have a coronary watching the Saints at the Super Bowl has been reduced by the fact that he's having a bunch of people over that I have never met. And I was planning to do homework while I watched. Fat chance with that many people jabbering.

One of the people coming over is the daughter of one of my dad's coworkers. My dad mentioned twice that she was the same age as me. Uh. Sorry dad, but once they're out of the mid teens, finding two kids that are the same age no longer guarrantees they have something in common. I'm mostly anxious that the only reason she's coming is because of the HURR DURR WE HAVE DAUGHTERS THE SAME AGE THING and she doesn't want to watch the game, in which case I'll be expected to entertain her.

LET'S HOPE THIS IS NOT THE CASE though knowing my dad I wouldn't put it past him.

Chances of finishing all my Precal HW before the test next week is... low. But whatevs, I'll give it a shot anyway. Going to plow through the Algebra review tomorrow, since apparently the department has ruled that no one takes the test unless they turn it in. FFFF DAMN YOU. I FORGOT ALL THIS SHIT.

Also going to check out the Japanese Club. My interest in Japan has waned with my interest in animanga, but why not.

Saturday is TRAINING DAY for work. Have to admit, it's going to take some getting used to after 3 months of precious free weekends. But money is nice.

Now to drown my worries in TS3.

I hate the way my parents make me feel guilty about how I spend my money. It's not like I spend a lot of it! And I don't spend frivolously. When I spend money, I always carefully consider whether or not I need it and whether or not it will make me happy.

A week ago, they freaked out about me spending $20 on foreign candy. This was all stuff I had wanted to try, but had never gotten the chance to before. They kept trying to talk me out of it and they gave me these looks. But I bought it, and even though some of the candy was gross, I don't regret it at all. They wanted me to leave some of it and come by again next week. What? I'm not gonna have more money next week. And it's not like I planned on eating all in one weekend. In fact, I still have quite a bit left.

Recently, the subject of donating to Haiti came up, and my brother asked if I would donate because he knows I like donating to charity. I said that I planned to donate around $100. Aaaaand my mother proceeds to freak out. She says things like "even $5 counts" and "if a lot of people donate $5 then that adds up to a lot of money and it's the thought that counts, really." What the fuck? Yeah, good thoughts are gonna pay for medical supplies. It really pisses me off since I know she hasn't donated anything. It's not like $100 is a huge deal to me. All of my money is really just pocket money. The only things I really spend it on are fun "wants" and food. And okay, the food is kind of beginning to add up. But I'll be getting a regular paycheck again come March.

I guess I need to stop letting what they say get to me. It is my money, after all. I earned it. They don't have any right to tell me how to spend it. I know this, and yet, it really bugs me. Even though I know I'm in the right, now I have this little voice in my head saying "maybe you are spending too much." UGH UGH UGH.

Wow I can't wait to hear what she says when she finds out about the auctions I put up. That will be coming out of my own pocket. FFFFFFFFFF

In other "WTF mom" news, apparently one of her New Year's resolutions was to go to church more often! Now for the past year or two, we've basically only gone for Easter and Christmas. Which, as a closeted agnostic, is fine with me. She decided this morning to go to church at around noon. Now, as usual, I spent my weekend night burning the midnight oil. So, I barely even remember her waking me. Apparently she asked me if I wanted to go. I responded in the negative, and conked back out.

Later, she said that since I'm an adult, it's now my choice if I wanna go or not. Just before this sentence, she said something like, "My New Year's resolution is to go to church more often and drag you two with me." Mixed... messages... My morning refusal was based on "WTF YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THIS LAST NIGHT I'VE SLEPT FOR ONLY FIVE HOURS THIS IS YOUR FAULT." I'm figuring this one of those "IT'S YOUR CHOICE but not really" things. Like. If I say I don't want to go, there will be lots of guilt tripping. And "but you might go to hell." But hopefully I can call on this and get out of a few of them. Maybe with bonus excuses.

But for the most part I'm putting this in the same category as my dad's drunken statement before the last presidential election that I was "an adult and could vote for whoever I wanted." Yes. I can vote for whoever I want as long as they're republican. Just like I can choose whether or not to go to church as long as I go to church. Gotcha.

I often see people say, "I need to get stuff done, so I'm giving up the internet (or part of the internet) for a while." I wish I could be strong enough to do this. I have no doubt that not having the internet around would make me more productive in school, work, and my other hobbies. And most of the time I spend on the internet is pointless and wasteful. I basically use the internet when I want to put something off. It's pretty rare that I'm online and I'm not thinking that there's something else I could and/or should be doing.

And yet, sometimes I feel like it's the only thing that keeps me sane. I can just forget all my problems for a little while and immerse myself in fandom. I can window shop for pretty earrings when I'm panicking about school. On the internet, I can actually be myself. I hide who I am from almost everyone in the real world, because my views are radically different from most people I know, including my family. If I was more open about them, it would only cause problems for everyone. The persona I show on the internet is still somewhat manufactured, because I've done this for so long I don't really know how else to live, but it's the closest I get to not lying about myself.

I'm sure that even the fact that the internet keeps me sane and allows me an outlet where I don't have to fear judgement is unhealthy, but I don't know what else to do.

Yesterday truly sucked. I was cold, wet, and miserable. In contrast, today was awesome. I went to the zoo, the Japanese Tea Gardens, and an old diner that had fabulous four berry cobbler. And I got a stuffed okapi at the zoo! It was expensive, but definitely worth it since I have never seen a stuffed okapi anywhere before, and it's my second favorite animal (my favorite is the red panda, but the zoo had none). I should add that I went to the zoo because I was able to get two free tickets because I work in the hospitality industry and it's National Tourism Week. :D So it was cheap and fun!

The main point of this post is a collection of quotes. In todays PostSecret post, Frank posted a commencement speech he gave along with some "one sentence commencement speeches" from students. He then asked that other people post their own words of wisdom in the comments. I saw a lot of really good advice there, so I'm going to collect my favorites here for future reference.

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